U.S. marines save Jesus Christ
in new film
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HOLLYWOOD - A contingent of U.S. marines will storm Calvary and rescue Jesus Christ from crucifixion at the exciting conclusion of a new action movie from Universal Studios, due to be released by next Easter.
"This will be an exact recreation of the actual historic events leading up to the crucifixion and thrilling rescue of Jesus," said director and screenwriter Jonathon Mostow.
"Only experts will be able to pick up on small discrepancies between this movie and the historical record," Mostow grinned.
Eagle-eyed viewers may notice "the presence of U.S. Marines in ancient Jerusalem, Jesus getting rescued and not having to die for our sins, Pontius Pilate being an undercover Libyan operative, and the thing with the helicopters," Mostow said.
The new film comes on the heels of Mostow's successful U-571, in which courageous Americans capture the German Enigma coding machine from a U-boat.
Pedantic historical nitpickers complained when the movie was released that three British sailors actually achieved this feat and that two of them died in the process.
But boffo box office returns vindicated Mostow's version of history. And there are now three bills before Congress that would require it to be taught in U.S. high schools.
One glitch popped up in Mostow's marketing strategy for Saving the Saviour when a purported draft of the script was posted anonymously to the Internet late last week. The director refused to comment on the script, but studio sources dismiss it as an early draft.
Still, the script — real or ersatz — is generating some excited buzz in Internet newsgroups and chat rooms. Scenes like this one have action fans and history buffs drooling with anticipation:
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Artillery from the Pharisee emplacements ROARS overhead. Explosions SHATTER the air itself, and Brock SHOUTS into the Messiah's ear: Capt. Brock
Jesus
Capt. Brock
Jesus
Capt. Brock
Christ chomps down on His cigar. He STANDS UP, staring, unblinking, into the withering MACHINE GUN FIRE that zips around His head. Then He winds up and THROWS. The object -- all we can see is a small ball -- SOARS overhead, then LANDS beside a Pharisee howitzer. It EXPLODES! Enemy soldiers FLY through the air as the howitzer is consumed in a fireball! Jesus
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Mostow has another project in development, profiling the little-known role of the U.S. Strategic Air Command in Napoleon's defeat at Waterloo.